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Cavadus

Shit We've Recently Watched (TV & Film)

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Just thought I'd create a thread where if you've recently seen a good movie you can give a quick breakdown and recommend it. Or advise against it if it sucks.

 

I've got two recent ones.

 

The Kingdom

Saw it a few days ago and it was pretty good. It's basically like every other Michael Mann film. Very similar to Miami Vice at any rate. Not as good as Collateral though. Anywho, still worth a watch if you've got the time.

 

The Island

Has it's moments. Scarlet Johannson is hot though you don't ever see much of her. Meh.

Edited by Cavadus

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So here's a necro.

 

In Bruges

 

This film is amazingly witty and the laughs are hilarious. It's pretty graphic though and definitely pure dark humor. It's basically about a hitman (Collin Ferrel) who accidentally kills a little kid on a job. His boss sends him and a fellow hitman to a little town called "Bruges" in Belgium and that's where the story picks up. Just watch it, you won't regret. If nothing else you'll get to see racist midget and then watch Ferrel karate chop him.

 

It also has Ralph Feinnes and some other Irish actor who don't the know name of but you'll probably recognize him. He plays the other hitman sent to Bruges with Ferrel's character. One of the best movies I've seen in the past three or four months so definitely check it out.

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Guest Washburne

American Psycho

 

I had never seen this movie and a friend of mine suggested it. Christian Bale is brutal. The 80's theme was funny as hell and the line "I need to return a video tape" was hilarious. I gave it 4 out of 5 stars and would recommend it.

 

Wash

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OMG, you just popped your American Psycho cherry? One of my favorite lines to say in real life when someone asks me where I'm going is, "I have to return some video tapes."

 

But yeah, American Psycho is my favorite horror movie. Pure brilliance. And y'know what? It's better than the book.

 

Take that, "The books are always better than movies," crowd.

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The Orphanage. The same guy who did Pan's Labrinth was associated with the orphanage. Very good movie. It might be classified as horror in the US, but it really goes beyond being a scary movie, its almost as if one of their goals was to make a scary movie and then explain why it isn't in fact scary by means of the story. It could also be seen as an interpretation of Peter Pan, but very dramatic.

 

I have also seen the New Hulk movie, it was very good, in the same sense that Iron Man was good, they are obviously trying to make these recent movies fit in the marvel universe and have it all make sense, same cast, even leading to a SHIELD movie to tie it all together, this one as you've seen from that one trailer even has Tony Stark in it, (Robert Downy Jr.) recruiting for SHIELD. The captain Ahab aspect of the crazy general chasing hulk (as in the not so good Ang Lee version) is also brought in line to fit into a future installment where Hulk is a hero and not some mindless green thing gone out of control. Oh and Stan Lee's cameo is even better than the one in Iron Man.

 

Bucket List is good too.

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American Gangster was pretty good, and I went into it thinking it would be bad. Street Kings... was ok. There is this bizzare horror flick called The Signal that I enjoyed a bit, it has 3 directors (on purpose) who each did an act, so its all over the place, and one of em takes it in a humorous direction.

 

I watched The City of Ember last weekend and really enjoyed it despite its family rating. But I'm a sucker for end of the world scenarios.

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Saw Max Payne and it actually kinda suprised me. Totally went in thinking it was going to suck, but it actually had some pretty good moments. There were times when the acting for the guy that played Max Payne... I forget who... but sometimes he didn't quite fit the voice that well when he was angry? or something like that.... In the end I kinda liked it.

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[JUSTIFY]Death Sentence

Starring: Kevin Bacon, John Goodman

 

This film is basically the product of The Punisher + Death Wish + Reality. The jist is that this unassuming corporate executive's son is killed. The police share their only lead with the father, Kevin Bacon, and he goes out and kills the guy not really thinking about the consequences of his actions.

 

I don't want to ruin it so that's really all I can say about the plot but wow, where the fuck did this movie even come from? It's pretty awesome and the whole time I was watching it I just kept asking myself over and over how I had never heard of this film until I saw it on HBO.

 

Anyways, highly recommended! I give it four out of five "Footlooses:"[/JUSTIFY]

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[JUSTIFY]Outpost

Starring: Ray Stevenson (Pullo from BBC/HBO's Rome and some other guy who I don't know the name of but is recognizable (he plays the former Marine from Texas with the awesome moustache)

 

Well, when I first heard about it all I knew was that it was Ray Stevenson's first lead role and that it had zombie Nazis in it. That's all I needed.

 

Now, you might think it's going to suck and how could any movie with zombie Nazis possibly be taken seriously, et cetera. I thought for sure the whole thing was going to be Sam Raimi style camp but somehow... they managed to make a serious movie here. And a good one. I recommend it. It's a lot better than you'll give it credit for at first.

 

Indiana Jones & The Crystal Skull

Starring: Harrison Ford, Shia Whatshisfuck, the first chick from Raiders, William Hurt (unfortunately no aliens pop out of him this time), and the ever sexy as hell Cate Blanchett though the leisure suit one-sy she wears make it look like she has a pair of depends on (gunt, anyone?)

 

Oy, where to even begin. Well, George has a penchant for destroying his earlier work and he pretty much managed to ruin the memory of the existing Indy movies with this one. Plus it has Shia Lebashgdfshsdhiuyasdf in it (I have no idea how to spell his last name) and he fucking sucks.

 

I think Lucas might actually have Alzheimer's or something because that could be the only explanation for Shia Lebsdfsjdfhsdfuf's character seemingly parading around the entire film pulling off prequel trilogy jedi acrobatics every five seconds. You might think that's an exaggeration but at one point in the movie Shia is swinging from vine to vine with monkeys like a hundred feet above the ground moving at the speed of two vehicles chasing each other. WTF? Oh, and of course there's a sword fight between Cate and Shia. For a second I saw a fifties era flash light that kind of looked like a light saber hilt and the movie was so ridiculous anyways that I half expected Shia to pick it up, turn it on, and have a light saber blade op out followed by a light saber duel and Blanchett muttering, "If only you knew the power of the dark side," right when she had the blade against Shia's neck while she clenches her black leather gloved fist.

 

One thing I did like, but also completely worked against the movie after a little more contemplation, were the nods to the previous flicks. The Marcus Brody statue, the picture of Sean Connery on Indy's desk, bringing back Indy's love interest from Raiders as a main character, and the the glimpse of the Ark during the opening action sequence, but then I started to think... ummm, didn't Indy like drink from the Holy Grail in the last movie? And his dad too, right?

 

Yet his dad, as played by Sir Sean Connery is dead, and Indy... looks like Harrison Ford circa 2007. WTF? That Templar Knight manages to live 800 years protecting the cup yet Indy's dad can't make it a decade and a half and Indy himself has aged twenty years? Hmmm, plot hole. I guess George will have to go back and edit The Last Crusade and like CGI in Sean Connery and younger versions and change a million scenes to make it fit.

 

Overall, it's a stinker. Don't bother. And the ending "secret/surprise/et cetera" made me LOL pretty hardcore.

Fucking inter-dimensional aliens? Jesus Titty Fucking Christ.

The only saving grace is that Harrison Ford is thankfully earring free. And FFS, Indy got married. What kind of message is that to all of the bachelors like myself? Well, I don't know exactly, but it's a terrible one.[/JUSTIFY]

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[JUSTIFY]

You forgot to mention surviving a nuclear blast while inside a refrigerator. (not a spoiler, happens in the first 5 minutes of film)

 

Oh dear lord, yeah. I did forget that.

 

To set it up a little more, Indy is being chased by the Ruskies through the southwest and sees a town. So he goes to it and it turns out it's a hydrogen bomb testing ground and whaddya know, they be testing one in less than a minute. So how does Indy survive? He jumps inside of a refrigerator. But it's okay because the camera made sure to pay extra special attention the "LEAD LINED" sticker on the side of the fridge.

 

So the whole town is vaporized but not the fridge. It manages to fly three or four miles while riding the "sonic" wave of the explosion until it finally comes to rest and Indy pops out completely unscathed.[/JUSTIFY]

 

Fucking ridiculous. What a terrible movie.

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The Love Guru is pretty funny. During the credits there's a blooper of Verne Troyer, hes the primary focus of the shot but there are a lot of normal size folk standing behind him. One of the camera men asks if he can get a wider shot because all he sees is asses, Verne responds with "Now you know what its like."

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Guest Sejanus

How To Lose Friends And Alienate People,

Run Fat Boy Run.

 

Yeah, Simon Pegg fan xD

I really want to see Valkyrie and The Spirit.

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[JUSTIFY]Babylon A.D.

Starring: Vin Diesel, Michelle Yeoh, Gerard Depardieu, The Frenchman from The Matrix sequels, Some Random French Anorexic Model

 

Well, I would have never seen this film if it weren't for the fact that I caught it's rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Now, the rating wasn't good. At all. But I also looked at the Hellboy 2 rating and it was surprisingly rated fresh which made me think to myself, "This site is fucked."

 

You see, Hellboy 2 was the only movie which has ever been so terribly bad that I've had to publically exclaim it's wretchedness with foul language and then walk out while the movie was still in progress (the movie is sooooooooo fucking terrible).

 

So with that dynamic in mind I decided to give Babylon A.D. a shot and I'm glad I did. I can see why they cast Vin Diesel as the lead. It's like whoever wrote the screen play decided to just write in the most stereotypical Vin Diesel role ever before anything even got underway so he doesn't really stand in the way of the quality of the film.

 

It's very Children of Men-ish except the disparate third world is more disparate and the nice civilization is far more nice. My only real complaint is that there is a scene with some snowmobiles and Vin and... it's just retarded.

 

Overall, I think I actually liked it more than I liked Children of Men. Vin obviously isn't the actor Clive Owen is though if Vin were to read a script like Shoot'em Up I'm inclined to believe even he would think it was pretty fucking retarded.

 

But yeah, overall I recommend it. It's enjoyable.[/JUSTIFY]

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As far as A.D is concerned they kept the whole thing waaay to vague for my tastes. And no there weren't even implied resolutions, the plot elements just stopped dead when they stopped being useful. A little back story would have helped that movie quite a bit. But I still liked it.

Especially when she nukes the guy with the armored stretch limo tank.

 

 

I enjoyed Hellboy 3. Its Del Toro, that guy cant do anything wrong. That ghost character was the best. The locker room fight with Hellboy where Hellboy was apathetic to the ghost throwing stuff at him and slamming him in the face with the locker doors was hilarious. Then the ghost walks off, naked around the corner whistling that old German tune. Classic. Plus he got to posses the golden warrior. if I was him I would keep the damn thing as my main body. Screw that old diving suit lol.

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