I have a few interesting and important things to jot down for record's sake.
I'm not sure why I'm so tired, but I am. Maybe because so much is going on and I'm frustrated. My guts feel like we need to get out of this area of space but I have no idea why. We landed in EL Cancri where Yarg was also stationed and there was enough room to dock at the same bay. It was great to see him and the 12 again. They were lent to him temporarily what seems like an eternity ago to help him out of a bind on his solo journey. I'm glad they are back, we have certainly felt their loss.
This ship is so under staffed we can't function almost at all without them.... especially since the loss of Sam and Horatio. Yarg is going to have to manufacture a few to help him along with the professor's help or something. I'm not letting them go again. They belong here....Maybe it's a memory of Horatio, maybe they are just part of my sentimental aspect that keeps peeking out from time to time. SOO un-Fraal like. Maybe i have these tenancies because I've not really been around them much, even when I was on my homeland they kept me isolated. However, tenancies or not, we can't run this ship with 4 people.... actually 3 because the Doc has no ship skills that I know of. He's pure doctor.
I'm going to assign the 12 to posts that fit them best. I have just installed new computer systems for the ship and each one is an aspect/copy of a part of Horatio. If we are to survive, it has to happen. Yarg is building a ship and I hope he takes advantage of the factory while he is with us. The following is a bullet list of important information I need to record but just have not had the time to do so. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day.
- Interesting though, Augie is a new potential crew member. He's under probation for a few days before we take off again. However, he is a spy, not a viable crew member. I'm not sure why I'm even entertaining even bringing him aboard, but he seemed desperate for a job. I can't help but chuckle at his unfortunate welcoming party as he walked onto the bridge with Tucker coming up behind him and putting a big gun to his head.
- Toby has undergone quite the transition. Death pansie brings quite the chuckle and fear at the same time. His transition is quite ..... unsettling. But then you see the pansie on the head.
- We had the chance to bring Horatio back through Steve. The genius put a copy of his brains and parts of himself in Steve, and the 12. In order to bring back Horatio, it would have involved sacrificing the 12 and Steve to do it. There has been enough death and disappearing lately.... I didn't think it ethical to make them sacrifice themselves for one person. They have developed way too much. They aren't robots, they are people. Horatio has to start out from scratch and learn all over again. He might end up bad, or he might end up as lovable as he was before or better. It's a gamble.
To do a.s.a.p
1. As hard as it is I need to go through Sam's things as soon as we hit deep space. I have put it off and put it off. Rather than go in that room I'll have Toby bring me the things from her room to my quarters. That will at least take part of that pain away. Things just aren't the same without her around, but there is nothing I can do about it now. I wish I had never tried to keep her from shooting herself the way I did, maybe she wouldn't have broken... and Thoth wouldn't have gotten shot. But there is no use in pondering about it now, there is nothing I can do about it. But the pain... I wonder if this is why Fraal's just don't develop emotion much... it's painful.
2. Yarg seemed extremely distracted by mechanics and ship so I need to see if Thoth might be able to do it. He gets so distracted so easily since Sam has ..... gone away. But I think he needs to feel important and do important things so that he can move on as well. He's suffered quite a bit himself. But I'm not positive he has the skills to do it. Yarg has the professor so busy and I'm not sure I can trust him anyway. I can't take it to Mr. X because I need someone I trust not to duplicate that build. He will duplicate it and sell it all over the galaxy for a buck.
I don't want those things manufactured all over the place or I might as well not even have psi powers. If that got out I would be one dead captain... because I would have no defenses or offense that would work against an opponent with that device with psi powers unless there was just a 1 on 1 battle and they had no combat skills.. then it would be like two slugs trying to cut each other's heads off with a non-existent sword. It would be a slimy mess.
3. I am going to start my meditations again when we hit deep space to try and contact the whisperers again. I jsut can't let them go. They helped me for a reason ... between them and the midians I'm at a loss as to what my purpose is.. yet they think I'm supposed to have one. It's nagging at me to try and follow this path to find out. Maybe I'm not supposed to know.
I love my crew, but I also have to make time to love me in my own path of....
**Her head jerks around as she hears noises and commotion. Raising her finger to her ear and twisting a knob ever so slightly to hear better, she turns it back down again and drops the pen on the journal to take care of business leaving a trail of spots of ink from the pen.**